No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame. - Psalm 25:3
Why am I not surprised that there are so many verses about the concept of hope, found in the book of Psalms? Whether you're a seasoned believer or relatively new in your relationship with God and His Word [the Bible], the book of Psalms is a great go-to in times of need, when you don't know what to pray.
Although I have been a Christian for over 30 years, and love God with all of my heart, I became addicted to alcohol. Scratch that. I became a SLAVE to this insidious, inert toxic liquid in a glass. Not intentionally, of course, but isn't that how most of life's traps we fall into, begin?
"Why don't you have a drink? That will help you fall asleep!" my precious friend from long ago innocently suggested. We'd run into each other years ago after losing touch upon graduating from school. And like all women do, we caught up with each others' lives. I mentioned my years of chronic insomnia, and this was her solution.
The funny thing was - never did it EVER occur to me to use alcohol for the drug that it is*, to help me fall asleep. That's because until then, like many people, I was a "normal, take-it-or-leave-it" drinker. Alcohol was just a thing, back then. Everyone I know drinks the stuff. I'd never had a problem with it for years, and obviously had no idea what was about to happen.
That night I had a glass of wine, and sure enough it helped me fall asleep. Until, it didn't. When I woke up a few hours later, I had another glass, because that's what helped me fall asleep the first time.
Do you see where this is going? Nowhere good. The train of any substance abuse, excessive gambling, pornography, shopping/eating/social media and any other form of life that leads to addiction, is only heading in one direction: the WRONG direction. But you can get off at any time before it crashes!
Over time, my repeated drinking to help me fall asleep led me into what can only be described by me, as alcohol prison, a/k/a addiction or as is commonly referred to these days, as alcohol use disorder (AUD). From a science-based perspective, my brain's wiring had changed through a process called neuroplasticity." When you think or do something repeatedly, your brain actually changes its physical structure," says Shad Helmstetter, phD, author of The Power of Neuroplasticity.
Alcohol can disrupt sleep and wreak havoc on having quality REM sleep. When consumed before bedtime, alcohol can increase a person's risk of experiencing insomnia, according to Georges Ghacibeh, MD. He goes on to say that excessive daytime sleepiness caused by insomnia may increase a person's chances of routinely using alcohol to fall asleep.**
Rinse, repeat, this is exactly why and how my nightmare with alcohol began. My brain identified alcohol as a solution to help me fall asleep, and the more I drank, the more my brain's wiring literally changed to where it was an automatic response to my lack of quality sleep.
Far more importantly, from God's perspective, I was sinning against Him through the sins of drunkeness and idolatry, according to Mark Shaw, author of The Heart of Addiction. It really hurt to consider my addiction in this light, but this is what it took, ultimately, for me to get on the right path. Looking back, I don't recall ever actually feeling "drunk", I just wanted to sleep. But instead of praying for God's help in overcoming the insomnia, which I should have done in the first place, I tried so many other things, but to no avail. Like the prodigal son sloshing about in the pig pen, it took awhile for me to come to my senses.
"Everything is permissible" - but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible" - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but for the good of others. - 1 Corinthians 10:13
God created everything for our enjoyment, not our entitlement or indulgence. When we turn to anything or anyone for help, comfort, provision, protection or any other reason "first", rather than going to Him, this is precisely when we fall in line with Satan's plan for our lives. We are deceived, we 'bite the apple', and find ourselves separated from God.
Unfortunately, the first place I should have been able to go to - my church family - was the last place I went. Why is that? When I finally confessed to a pastor friend, the first thing he said was he had been "clean and sober for 20 years", thus immediately putting me at ease. When I asked him why these topics are never talked about from the pulpit, he explained that it's such a hot-button, controversial topic that many of them don't want to talk about it. But I needed them to, as I was soaked with shame and seeping with self-loathing. And, I firmly believe God forgave and healed me and gave me Spirit-Led Sobriety to write, as a tool for pastors to use to have these difficult conversations with us on Sunday mornings. At least, that is MY hope. I do not want my suffering to be in vain.
It's been said that addiction needs you to be isolated and ashamed in order to thrive, and that was true in my experience. Don't you just know Satan was mixing cocktails, watching me suffer in silence while struggling for air?
All of this to say, I've been in your shoes and know what it feels like to not have anyone to talk to about this; or, what to do about it. Once God, in His infinite mercy and grace, gave me the gift of repentance, the Holy Spirit Himself led me out of alcohol prison in ways He knew were right, for me.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. - Psalm 147:3
Loved ones, you have EVERY reason to have hope, when you cry out to Him.
* "Alcohol is among the most used drugs, plays a large role in many societies and cultures around the world, and greatly impacts public health." - https://nida.nih.gov/research-topics/alcohol
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