Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining
toward what is ahead, - Philippians 3:13
How well I remember waking up in the middle of the night - usually around 3:00 am - unable to fall back asleep. Filled with dread and anxiety, I would grab hold of my phone and scroll through any texts, emails, FaceTimes and/or phone calls I may have sent or had the night before. If I was lucky, there would be none because I would have had the sense the previous night to just turn off my phone all together.
At the very tail end of my drinking career, I didn't even LIKE drinking. It brought me no pleasure whatsoever, but I did it anyway. I looked forward to when my husband would go out of town on business so I could drink alone, as much as I wanted, without anyone there to notice. I haven't excelled at many things in life, but drinking alone? #achampion. Addiction needs two things in order to thrive: (1) for a person to be isolated from others and (2) feel terrible about themselves. Perfect scenario for continuing with this sick thing that we can't understand or, much less, conquer without help from God.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. - Psalm 46:1
When you're doing something you don't want to be doing, it just absolutely does not make any sense! Can I get an "Amen"? LOL
Backing up in my journey even further, when my addiction first threw me in prison and swallowed the key, those 3:00 am wake-ups? Guess what I did. Well, I drank, of course, to "help me" fall back asleep. For those who may not know my story, my addiction took root when I innocently followed a friend's advice to have a drink as a way to relax and conquer my chronic insomnia, which I'd had for over eight years. I was so desperate for sleep, I'd tried everything and in fact I was SUCH a "normal drinker" back then - it never once occurred to me to use alcohol for the drug that it is, to self-medicate as a sedative. I was so focused on trying to get a good night's sleep that back then I wasn't on my phone for any reason.
It turns out that alcohol is the absolute WORST SUGGESTION anyone could follow, when it comes to falling asleep! If you want to know more, here's a great podcast episode to help you understand the truths about alcohol:
Never will I ever suggest to anyone that alcohol is the solution for anything. And if you find yourself waking up tomorrow morning (at whatever time), worried about what you may have said and done the night before ... don't. Just don't. It will do you no good and will only cause you stress and anxiety. And for anyone who's recovering from alcohol addiction, alcohol use disorder and/or the sin of idolatry (turning to alcohol instead of God for help) - however you want to look at it - the usual knee-jerk reaction is to drink to numb out uncomfortable feelings.
So the goal here is to NOT intentionally do something you know in advance is going to upset you. What I've learned over time is that no one dies from feeling uncomfortable, whatever the cause may be. In fact, learning to sit in the discomfort - much like a child having to sit on their hands during time-out - that's what's going to help you get stronger. You have to learn to prove to yourself that you're stronger than you think you are. And sometimes, oftentimes, doing the very thing you think you can't do, is precisely the next step towards freedom.
Focus on the good. Focus on the fact that you're aware of your humanity and your need for God's help. Ask for His help. There's no way He's not going to answer your cries for help, my friend. He is your heavenly Father who loves you. No one will ever love you as much as Him, trust me.
My prayer for you today is that you forget about yesterday, last night, last week or last year. Keep your eyes on Christ, the author and finisher of your faith.
What I'm Reading: The Power of Neuroplasticity by Shad Helmstetter, PhD
What I'm Studying: Joy of Living's Revelation Part 1: Chapters 1-8 Bible study
In the News:
MUST LISTEN!
As a reminder, I am not a licensed, certified or professionally trained healthcare professional or addiction specialist of any type. If you're concerned about your level of alcohol use, please be honest with your doctor, go to the nearest emergency room or call 911.
All I am is a Christian who has been forgiven, redeemed, healed, restored and guided by God out of alcohol prison. My path to wellness (a/k/a "sobriety") was different than most others - and that's OK. I asked God to help me and did what He said. Period. I'm here to encourage, uplift and help you in whatever ways I can, because I care.
Having said that, if you have any questions or have a topic you'd like me to cover in the future, please fill out the contact form and I'll be so happy to do my best for you. No question is too stupid - I've asked them all. LOL
Commenti